Seven Simple Rules
by Special Agent FUNK
Summary: To dating Wesker's teenage daughter... - Wesker's daughter turned sixteen years old, and at that very moment, hell was brought to earth. Read his struggles with boyfriends, lady-problems and parenting here.
1. Intro

Have you ever seen that epic show, 8 simple rules? Well, what if Wesker had a daughter like that? One that cheats in school, dates annoying guys and complains about her life?  
This story is how I picture it. Except that there is no mom, because I don't want to write three OC's. Three? Yes, because Wesker's mom is awesome to write, and she will be making appearances, like in Meine Freunde chapter 5 or 6 or whatever.

Perhaps this has been done before. I don't know, I only ever read one-shots because my brain dislikes long stories for some reason. I can't focus long enough, it's annoying.

**I don't own RE, Capcom does.**

**Written from Wesker's point of view.**

Enjoy?

* * *

Having a daughter wasn't as bad as I expected it to be when I found out I was having one. It wasn't that hard to raise her, and as time went by, she appeared to be growing up into a fine young woman. A woman with a good head on her shoulders, and enough motivation to get her anywhere she wanted to go.

However, nobody ever tried to prepare me for what would happen if she became sixteen. Nobody ever told me certain things would change. Nobody ever mentioned how hell would come to earth whenever I would least expect it.

"Daddy!"

Here we go again. I can actually hear the exclamation marks at the end of her sentences. Just like I can hear the question marks and the dots. Sadly for me, there aren't many sentences that end with dots anymore. For some reason they disappeared when she turned sixteen.

Sweet sixteen my ass.

"What is it, dear heart?" I closed my eyes and sighed. This report wasn't going to finish itself, but judging by the tone in her voice, I wasn't going to finish it either.

A blond girl appeared in the doorway and stomped towards me, her eyes glaring daggers. "She did it again, dad! Sarah did it again! I was about to talk to him, and then she stepped up and asked him out! She asked him out! How wrong is that?"

Boy-trouble. Not my favourite, but it beats tampons any day. "Who is he and why do you care?"

"_He_ is just the most amazing guy I ever laid eyes on! His eyes are blue, his hair is black and oh my, he even has tattoos!" My 'adorable' daughter rolled her eyes. "But of course, as always, I fished behind the net."

She doesn't always fish behind the net. Every once in a while she brings home a viking and introduces him as her new boyfriend. They go out for a month or two and then she gets tired of him, and dumps his ass before he can dump hers. Some people are job-hoppers, my daughter is a boyfriend-hopper.

I am not saying she is a slut, because she's still smart enough to save her body for those who are worthy enough, or at least I hope so. I'm just saying she's too easily distracted. It can be quite annoying, I must say.

"Daddy? Daddy! I was talking to you!"

I frowned. "I don't want you dating boys with tattoos, they are... evil." Evil? Did I just call boys with tattoos evil?

"They're not half as evil as you are."

"Hnnn. That's not the point here. If you date a man with tattoos, someday _you_ will come home with a tattoo, and before you know it, you're in the hospital because you used too much cocaine."

She rolled her eyes again. Why do sixteen-year-olds roll their eyes at everything you say? Is it a conspiracy? "Dad, you're being ridiculous."

"Perhaps."

"No, for sure."

"Dear heart, if a man is stupid enough to pick someone else over you, they're not worth feeling sad over. If this Sarah has him, let her keep him. There will be plenty of other vikings for you to date."

"Stop calling my boyfriends vikings! They're not even from Scandinavia."

"They look like it." They act like it, too. I once saw one of her boyfriends eat a large steak in a matter of seconds, and another one was actually capable of wielding a sword. I really don't know where she finds them. "And stop rolling your eyes at me, one day they might fall out."

She shrugged. "I'll just get some glass ones, it'd be fun to see the look on people's faces when I pull them out of my sockets."

"You can't actually see with glass eyes."

"Oh yeah. Makes sense." She giggled, so I suppose the worst part is over. "Oh daddy, could you do me favour and drive me to town? I need some supplies."

I glanced at that report that was still waiting to be finished. I thought about Krauser, who I still needed to call about a certain mission. I sighed. "Fine. What kind of supplies?"

Another shrug. "Tampons. Now let's go!"

...

I hate tampons.

* * *

This is kind of an introduction, next will be longer. SHE needs a name. I felt like naming her Ella, but that would be lame, seeing as that is part of my own name. Then again, Resident Evil has lots of Ellas. You know, like Excella and Umbrella.

I dunno yet. SHE needs friends though. Amusing friends. If you want to be her friend, go ahead and yell your own name. Or an alias. I´m not putting my own friends in, they'd be so confused. xD  
The only thing that might happen is that I portray you as someone you are not. I would never make fun of anyone in a nasty way, but I do still write crack.

Uh. I talk too much. Dammit. xD  
- FUNK!


	2. Adult Supervision

Have decided not all stories need chapters that reach or even cross the 4000 words mark. This one does not.

I'm naming her something long, but I am going for Ella for short. (Haha Hina-86, you have no idea how often I heard that joke... :O)

Eh. First things first, thanks a whole lot for reviewing and/or commenting; **Ultimolu, Hina-86, ****Jhyena Aj Jax, ****Inochi N- f.O.G, Lexie, Grissrox, Tyrant Wolf, aquacrow, Ava-Connie (and the nuns), Oujo3, Nocturna-GVC, Christine, kelley28, wolfdemon22 and Prisonerksc2-303.**

Muchos appreciated, strangahs!**  
**

_Those who signed up to be Ella's friend; I don't know you people at all, apart from 2 girls I'm throwing in. I hope you realize you may not be in character. xD You won't all appear right away, seeing as that would be a lot of people. But eveyone will get there eventually._

I don't own RE or all readers who signed up to be her friend.

**Enough talk! Enjoy, comrades.**

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I would love to rant for a little while, and possibly even share some of the fond memories I have of raising a little girl, but I can't do that right now, because she is standing right in front of me again, and it appears that once again something is annoying her.

With that something I mean me, by the way. Lately everything I do appears to annoy her. I still wonder why.

"Daddy, everyone is going!"

I never quite liked that excuse. "You're too young."

"I am sixteen. That means that I am older than fifteen, and when I was fifteen you always told me how mature I was for my age!"

That was before she went slightly insane. Back when she was still studying after school, and went to bed before midnight. "Dear heart, it's dangerous."

"Dangerous? I'm not the one who got impaled by a tyrant just to become some kind of superhuman being! I didn't betray people who could've killed me in the blink of an eye! I never experimented with viruses, nor did I ever shoot a gun!" Ella took a deep breath. "Heck, the most dangerous thing I ever did was imitate Jackass, and that was more dangerous than going to a concert with some friends."

I remember that, it was awful. It seems so nice on tv, sitting in a shopping cart, riding around and then bumping into the sidewalk. In reality it isn't half as fun. She broke her arm, it was quite the drama. Of course she forgot all about that when she went to school and everyone wanted to sign that damn cast. That friend of hers, Willow, is quite the artist.

I shook my head.

"But Tina said..."

I shook my head again.

"And Jax told me that..."

"No." I stated firmly. "You are not going to a rock concert without adult supervision. Until you are out of this house, you will have to listen to me. No is no."

"You're not even listening! God, you never listen!" Ella threw her hands in the air to add some drama to the scene and then stormed off.

After the door had slammed shut behind her I heaved a sigh and shook my head once again. "Teenagers."

_== Ella's room ==_

She was on the phone with a friend, looking angry and slightly upset. "He said no. As always. He always says no, as always."

"You should bribe him." Tina answered happily. "With... Cookies?"

"Cookies don't work on my dad, Teens. Just because they work on you, doesn't mean they work on everyone. They wouldn't work on like, dinosaurs either. I hate dinosaurs, don't you?"

"No." Tina replied. "I like them, they sing."

"You watched that one movie too many times... Remember how you said penguins could sing too, after watching that singing penguin thing?"

"Oh come on... They were dancing."

Ella wasn't done yet. "And what about those things in that Madagascar movie? I like to move it, move it? Or was that another movie? Either way, you know what I mean."

"I like to... move it!"

"Yeah, me too... Which is why we must go to that gig. I'll see if I can make dad let me go. I'll call again later, yeah?"

Tina nodded, a bad habit seeing as you can't see it when people nod on the phone. "Okay. I'll tell Megan and Kelley you're still negotiating. If you need cookies after all, just text me and I'll have them baked within an hour!"

"Thank you! See ya! Hugs!"

"Hugzies!" Tina cheered back.

Both girls hung up. They would go to the concert together, they just knew it.

_== ... ==_

While my daughter was on the phone, I too had contacted someone. I thought that if it really was that important for her to go to that gig, that it would be better to just let her go. However, she wasn't going with just her friends. I had arranged for some adult supervision myself, and was quite pleased with the results of my search of finding a babysitter.

Do not ever tell her I called this person a babysitter, for my daughter would very probably make an attempt to decapitate me with a hairbrush.

I opened the back door and let the man in. I pointed at the living room and told him to take a seat. All I had left to do was tell my daughter she would be accompanied by someone old and wise enough, and she would very probably love me again.

"Ella?" I yelled upstairs. "Come downstairs, I need to talk to you!"

"No!" Came the loud reply.

"I need to talk to you! Come on, I have some good news!"

No reply came this time. She had probably locked her door and was now on the phone with yet another friend, cranking up the phonebill like nobody else ever would or could.

"Alicia Gabriëlla Wesker, get your behind downstairs this instant, or I will make sure you will never go to a gig until the day I die!"

I heard her door open. "Hn, that won't take too long, anyway, now will it? You're willing your risk your own damn life to get anything you want, so that's not really a threat... It's more like, a really sickening promise."

I cringed. I still need to talk to her about that, because I am fully aware of the fact that she does worry about my awkward habits of getting into major fights. "Honey, don't say that... Just come here, you can go to that concert under a few conditions..."

Finally, my daughter appeared in front of me. She was scowling though. "Really? Like what?"

"First of all, you have to be home at midnight. Second of all, if you drink alcohol, you'll be grounded for at least half a year. As for the third rule... There's someone I'm sending along with you."

A shrug. It apppears I'm on the right track.

"He's very sane, smart and most of all, insanely strong. With him around, you will be safe without a doubt." I stifled a laugh. "Come on, he's in the living room, you should meet him."

Ella wandered downstairs and entered the living room. Right after seeing the man sitting on the couch, she stood still in her tracks, turned around and stared at me with a look that said 'what the fuck?' in many languages.

The man stood up, walked up to my daughter and stuck his hand out. "Hi... I'm Krauser, but you may call me Jack."


	3. The Butts and the Bees

Uh, just saying; These will mainly be one-shots, as always. I am bad at plots, so… But they all connect in a certain way.

This is right after chapter 2's concert.

Thanks for reviewing; **Ava-Connie, Wesker's Servant, Frozen Labyrinth, Hina-86, meandor711, Grissrox, boss-slayer, Nocturna-GVC, AndreaChambers, kelley28, MeganElle, xLifeOfATeenx, Jay Zerp Snake and EcoSeeker247.  
**I appreciate it a whole lot, strangahs! :)

**Enjoy!**

* * *

While normally I do not worry about my daughter when she goes out, I am starting to wonder whether sending Krauser along with her might've been a mistake or not. Though Krauser is indeed strong, and would make one of the best bodyguards a girl could ever have, he's also a bit on the crazy side.  
Or perhaps he isn't crazy, but more impulsive. I think that's the right way to describe the man's personality. He doesn't think before he acts or speaks. And sometimes that causes him problems.

It's kind of odd knowing that I sent my daughter out with a bodyguard, but am currently more worried about the bodyguard than I am about her. I wonder what that says about me. That I am a poor judge of character? That I want Jack to feel important? Or perhaps it means that I trust my daughter a little more than I initially thought?

I suppose time will tell. She should be home soon, and if she comes back in one piece, I'll just refrain from speaking about the doubts I am having right now.

She better come home in one piece, or she will be grounded for the rest of her life.

Hn, I might as well do something productive and finish that report, now that I actually have time to do so. Otherwise it'll never happen, and I can't risk losing my job just yet… If I do, Ella won't have any money to buy new shoes, and I do not wish to see that happen. I'm sure hell will freeze over. That is if there is a hell, anyway.

Just as I finished the last sentence, my daughter barged in, closely followed by my personal favorite mutant.

"Daddy!" I didn't even have time to say hello, she beat me to it. "That man has no brain!"

I glanced at Krauser, who rolled his eyes at that remark. Krauser is used to people saying that about him, I don't think he cares anymore. "Excuse me?"

"He… He hit someone!"

Krauser shrugged . "And I had a good reason to be doing so…"

I resisted the urge to snicker and faked a frown. "Is that so? Explain."

Ella opened her mouth, but I raised my hand to stop her. Sometimes, when she starts talking, she just doesn't stop. And as much as I love my daughter, I think Jack would have a better, or at least more honest explanation than she does. She's a teenager and a girl, there's no doubt that her version of the story would be slightly on the dramatic side.

I turned my gaze back to Jack and nodded. "Well?"

"Sir." Jack started. "I do not think it's healthy for a young woman to go to concerts, because the people that I encountered there were no less than perverted. I saw three men hitting on her in a matter of seven minutes, and one even dared to touch her."

What? I knew it wasn't a good idea to let her go. She won't be going to any more concerts until the day she moves out. "Touch her where?" I turned to my daughter. "Touch you where?"

"Just my butt, daddy. It's a butt, there's nothing wrong with that," Ella stated with a raised eyebrow. "Men touch butts all the time, it means nothing."

"Means nothing?" My fake frown was replaced with a sincere one. "A man is not allowed to touch you at all when he is not your friend or boyfriend. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't allow any one of the male species to touch your butt, you are too young for that."

"Daddy, I am sixteen. It's only natural that I am interested in the whole… Butt-touching-thingie."

Did she really just say that? Has she completely lost her mind? I didn't have sex until I was eighteen, and at that moment I only did it because everyone was doing it. I wasn't that interested, really, I was too busy staring at viruses.  
Believe me, if you know what unprotected sex can do with you, you'll think twice before having it.

I always thought that Ella would be sane enough to understand the horrors sex can cause, but it appears that maybe I do need to have that 'talk' with her after all. I can honestly say I have been dreading this day. It might be best to get rid of Jack first, though.

Jack was still staring at me with a look of confusion on his face. I could tell he wanted to leave.

"Jack? Did you hit that man who touched her without her permission?"

"Yep."

"Good. Did anything else happen?"

Jack shook his head. "I prevented your daughter and her friends from contacting people who I thought looked shady or just plain gross in general."

"Nice work, thank you for keeping an eye on her and her hyperactive friends… Dismissed."

Jack saluted me in his own random way and patted Ella on the shoulder. "Good night sir, good night miss, sleep well." And with those words the Krauser took off again.

"He's nuts." Ella muttered. "Had he not been there, it would've been so much more fun… But no, you had to send him along, and he spent the entire night preventing us from crowd-surfing, stage-diving and moshing."

"Thank God for that." I sighed. "You know honey, those things are dangerous. People have died in mosh-pits, and as for stage-diving and crowd-surfing… You could've broken your neck."

"But I…"

"You could've broken your neck." I repeated myself, this time a little louder.

"But daddy, nobody ever…"

"Your neck!"

"Fine!" Ella yelled loudly. "Fine! I will never even think about crowd-surfing anymore! I will just stand in the audience, dodge large rockers and enjoy the music!"

I grinned. "Good, because that's what you're supposed to be doing. Now… Sit down honey, we need to talk."

"Oh no, daddy. I am not in the mood for one of your endless stories about what can and cannot kill me. I'm not stupid."

"It's about the other thing. Though I suppose that thing could kill you too, just in a much slower way." I frowned again and pointed at the chair. "Sit."

"I'm not a dog, you know? You can't just tell me what to do whenever you please! I'm almost an adult now, it's time you showed me some more respect!"

"If you do not sit down this instant, you will spend the rest of this year in your room, without your computer, phone, television or radio." I lowered my voice and shot my daughter an angry look. "I do not want you to speak to me in such a manner, it's disrespectful, and if you want me to show you some respect, then I have a right to expect the same thing from you, young lady."

A bit surprised Ella sat down and remained quiet, which was rather nice to experience. Moments like that are scarce these days.

"Now about that man."

Ella's eyes widened. "Daddy, no…"

"Your body only…"

I was cut off. "Daddy, please… Don't do this to me…"

I ignored the pleading look on her face and continued. "Your body belongs to you, and you should treasure it because you only have one, and it will need to last a lifetime."

"Daddy! That's crazy!"

"Not as crazy as… No wait, that's not the point here. Listen, if you just let anyone touch it whenever they please, they will think you are 'easy', and easy girls are not very popular amongst those vikings you normally date."

Ella remained silent. Heh, good girl. I hate doing the things that normally a mother does. It makes me feel awkward, which is something that does not happen that often.

"If you ever… No, that doesn't make sense… Listen, you should always make sure the boy… No, that's not the point here, I don't want that happen at all, so…"

Ella was just sitting there, staring at me. Great, I bet I'm really impressing her right now.

"Listen dear heart, I think you should focus on school and getting into college, and then, when you're in college, meet a nice and smart boy that will respect you for who you are, not for the fact that you let him touch your butt."

"Daddy, I…" Ella heaved a sigh and rolled her eyes. "Dad, I think you're over-reacting. He touched my butt, but had that Jack-off not been there, I would've said something about it myself."

"That man could've hurt you." I shook my head, it seemed so useless to have this conversation, because I wouldn't always be able to send someone with her, so eventually she would have to face certain dangers herself. "Also…"

A questioning look her from side. Why on earth did her mother leave us again? To avoid nights like this one? Damn that woman.

I braced myself for the reaction I would get on my next comment. "Also dear, if you really meet a nice guy and you want to sleep with him, then at least make sure he wears a condom."

"Ohhhh… My… God…" Ella pressed her hands against her ears and closed her eyes. "I can't believe you said that!"

I grabbed my daughters arm as I wasn't finished yet. "But… Ella, listen! Boys don't always buy condoms, so bring your own!"

"I hate you."

"I love you too, dear." I glanced at the clock and decided to wrap it up. No pun intended. "Condoms prevent you from contacting diseases that can be either very annoying, but also deadly. So if you ever want to take it even further, make sure he gets tested!"

"Nooo… Make it stop, oh God please make it stop…"

"But as for now, stay away from men who touch you. Stay away from men in general, really. That'll make it so much easier for me to sleep at night."

"Sure daddy… Sure. I will not come near them anymore!" A false promise, just to shut me up. You can't fool Albert Wesker.

"I mean it." I lowered my voice again. "Had I been there instead of Jack, I would've ripped the man to pieces. That is a threat, so choose carefully who you hang out with."

"Okay daddy." Ella muttered quietly. "Can I go now? Please?"

"Yes, it's late, you need to get to bed." I scratched the back of my neck and sighed again. "Honey, just… I really want what's best for you."

Ella stood up and rolled her eyes at me, indicating that she had listened, but pretty much against her will. "I know. But don't ever bring up condoms again, it's… weird." She walked off to get ready for bed and left me alone with my thoughts.

I shrugged to myself. "Well, someone had to do it."

* * *

That goes for all of you out there! Don't be a fool, wrap your tool.

... I had a writer's block for weeks, but a little earlier today I had insane conversations about chocolate, shopping and weed, so I got all inspired. :D Yay!  
I hope you liked it! If you did, leave me a comment. If you did not... Well, have some chocolate to get this story out of your brain.

Until next time,

FUNK


	4. A rather bad day

I still don't own RE. I only own the OCs.

Thanks for reviewing chapter 3; **EcoSeeker247, MistressMaryD., Deida, grissrox, The-Intensity, boss-slayer, Tyrant Wolf, Lady Wesker, xxFranceExx, Wesker's Servant, xalmostnormal, Cheresy, Biohazrd23, cally777, RRG, Jay Zero Snake (Haha… Sorry, ZERP!), Mawsh, Zombiegirl2007, Ultimolu and Prisonerksc2-303.  
**I really appreciate it, strangahs! Both the random comments and the long reviews. Also the ideas for whatever you want to see in this story. I'll keep those suggestions in mind for sure!

**Warnings; There is no crack here. This is a bit more drama and family than humor. I warned you!  
Wesker may be OOC. I have to…**

**Enjoy, I hope.**

**

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**As I was planning some things prior to a mission some of my employees would go on, I received a phone call. While normally I don't like being disturbed when I'm trying to get my work done, this time I didn't mind. Mostly because it was a boring thing I was trying to figure out, and it was almost time to go home already, anyway.

So I left my work for what it was and reached for my cell phone, glanced at the screen and saw my daughter's number appear.

"Dear heart, aren't you supposed to be in class right now?"

"Daddy!" Ella yelled into my ear. "Daddy, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do it! But they still want you to come to my school, and have a talk with the principal!"

I've been dreading that sentence ever since I saw a few movies in which parents had to come to school to have some kind of 'talk'. I always find those talks to be quite pathetic, because no matter what you tell your son or daughter, they may not understand the consequences of their actions, anyway. Their brains aren't fully developed yet, so I suppose you cannot expect them to fully understand those consequences, either.

"What happened?" I asked, a bit hesitant. I hope she didn't get hurt.

"I did something stupid."

I sighed and stared at the painting that decorated the wall across from me. "Like what?"

Rather than my daughter's voice, I suddenly heard someone else's. "Mr. Wesker, this is Ella's principal speaking. Your daughter has done something rather bad, and I would appreciate it if you could come over so we can discuss this."

I shrugged. "Right now?"

"Yes, right now… I don't think this can wait."

"Fine, let me put my work away, and I will be there in a few minutes…" I hung up on the principal without any greetings, and quickly finished writing the orders for my employees. I posted a note on the whiteboard and then got into my car, not even thinking about taking anything with me. I figured I would be back soon enough, anyway, so I didn't see the use in bringing anything.

When I parked my car in the school's parking lot, I quickly noticed it was awfully quiet outside. While normally there would be kids hanging out on the benches, this time there wasn't even one random emo kid sulking with a notebook on his lap. I shook off the eerie feeling that washed over me and entered the school.

"Hello," I greeted the lady behind the desk outside the principal's office, "I am here to see the principal, it appears he wants to speak with me."

The lady nodded and stood up. "Please follow me, sir…"

She led me to the door to the office and gave a short knock. The she opened the door and nodded again. "Please enter."

What I was expecting? My daughter, the principal and perhaps another kid in that office. Maybe I was even expecting someone to be crying, someone to be yelling or someone to be hurt. But I didn't see any crying, yelling or hurt kid. Nor did I just see my daughter and her principal, I saw a whole lot of other people, too.

"What the…" I ignored the adults and scanned the office for my daughter. I saw her sitting on a couch, with a box of tissues on her lap. She wasn't crying anymore, but she had been a little earlier on, I could see it in her eyes.

"What on earth is going on here?" I asked with a low voice while walking towards my daughter. "Dear heart, stand up." I grabbed her arm and pulled her on her feet before carefully standing right in front of her.

"Wesker… Isn't it a coincidence that, after all this time my friends spent searching for you, I get a job at her school and voila, I find your daughter?"

I smirked. "Barry… You work here? As what, a janitor?"

Barry scowled and reached for his side. "It's over, Wesker, your reign of terror ends right here, right now."

I laughed out loud, I never knew Barry was capable of saying things that didn't involve blood, dining rooms and weapons. "My reign of terror? Do they give janitors dictionaries around here? How very nice of them."

"You're not funny, Wesker. Random chatter will not save you, believe me."

I turned to face the woman. "Jill. Where is Chris? Did he get stuck in a closet again? Or did he still not come out…" I snickered. "While I need to say this has been planned out properly, or so it appears, I do not think my 'reign of terror' will end today." I scratched my throat and lowered my voice. "I also do not appreciate the fact that you used my daughter to get to me."

Barry took a step towards me and pointed his magnum at my chest. "You threatened to kill my family if I didn't do what you said! You were going to hurt my daughters and my wife, and you expect me to just get over that? No harm will come to your daughter, believe me, it'll be better for her if you're not around anymore."

"Daddy…" I heard Ella whisper behind my back. Her hand grabbed a hold of my own. "Daddy, please just get us out of here?"

"I will." I replied shortly. "Stay behind me."

In one swift motion I stalked towards Barry and slammed my fist into his face. With a loud growl he stumbled backwards, dropped his Magnum on the floor and bumped into Jill. Jill was able to keep Barry on two feet, but she wasn't quick enough to both support Barry, and to keep her handgun pointed at me. I stepped forward, grabbed the Magnum, pushed Ella back on the couch and aimed Barry's own weapon at the two former S.T.A.R.S. members. "Too slow."

While Barry balanced himself again, Jill aimed her gun at me again. "Drop it, Wesker."

"Daddy, please… I just want to go home…"

I heard sobbing behind me and shook my head. I couldn't kill Jill or Barry in front of her, but I wasn't going to surrender either. "Ella, leave."

"No, take me home."

"She's not going anywhere, Wesker." Jill said. "She's staying here until you give up and come with us…"

"Then where will I go?" Ella cried. "I don't have my mom around anymore."

"There are a lot of nice people who can help you, honey… People who will care about you, who will care for you," Jill replied, her eyes never leaving me. "Everything will be okay… You can't stay with someone that dangerous."

"Daddy takes care of me! He rants about boys, tells me to study and to stay out of trouble! He cares!" Ella suddenly stopped sobbing and regained her composure. "If you hurt my dad, I will hurt you."

Jill frowned at that remark and was about to reply, when a sound very high-pitched echoed through the office. I cringed, and I noticed Jill do the same thing. I saw this as my chance and quickly grabbed her weapon away from her before knocking her into the wall. I then turned around, pulled my screaming daughter from the couch and stalked outside with her following me.

"Daddy? Daddy, slow down, I hate sports!" Ella yelled. "I'm tired already."

I shook my head in disbelief and sighed deeply while coming to a halt. I prevented Ella from falling on her face and slung my arm around her back before placing her over my shoulder, this obviously resulting in more screams coming from her.

"Put me down, dad! Put me down!" She wiggled around but I didn't let go. "Dad come on, I'm too old for this!"

"No time, hold still!" I muttered annoyed. I had noticed Chris through the window, and a handful of other armed people had shown up too. Seeing as I didn't feel like surrendering, killing in front of my daughter, or getting hurt in the process, I decided to go for the one option I had never been very fond of; To run away.

While on my way to the car, several cops had shown up, together with who I thought could've been Rebecca Chambers. There were a few standing in front of my car, so I took off the safety of the Magnum and quickly shot them in the legs. It wouldn't kill them, but at least they wouldn't remain in front of my car, which was all I really cared about at that point. It's not easy to shoot properly with a screaming girl on your shoulder that is afraid of getting killed.

"Ella, shush, I didn't kill them!" I opened my the car door and pushed my daughter inside. "Now duck, for the love of God, I don't know if they'll shoot."

When I made sure Ella wasn't visible from a car window, I got in myself and started the car. Not caring about the rules we're supposed to follow in traffic, I just drove off a lot faster than I was allowed to, and cursed to myself.

"Are we being followed?" Ella asked with a small voice. "Are we going home?"

"Yes, we are being followed… And no, we are not. If they know where we live, we'll get into even more serious shit. I suppose we need to lose them first."

"I'm sorry dad, they made me say the principal wanted to talk to you… I didn't mean to…"

"Listen Ella, I don't care right now, I am going to call Jack and see if he knows what to do, then we'll get a place to stay tonight and then we will talk about this. First I need to get you somewhere safe."

"I'm sorry! I didn't know Mr. Burton was… You know…"

I sighed. "What did he do, anyway? Don't tell me he was the principal."

"No…" Ella muttered. "He teaches gym."

"Huh…" I suddenly felt the urge to laugh. "No wonder you don't like sports."

"I just don't like sports in general, they are tiring." Ella glanced at me. "Also, it messes up my hair… Can I sit down yet?"

I checked the rearview mirror. "Yes, sit down… And buckle up."

"Safety first, eh…"

Ella buckled up and for quite a while there was silence. I had decided to go back to work and ask Jack if he could bring my daughter to my mother's house. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not too fond of my overactive and very nosy mother, but I do know that Ella does love her, so it just seemed like the logical place to go.

As I reached the office, I was sure we weren't being followed anymore. Both Ella and I got out of the car and went inside the building to find Jack. Once we found him, I commanded him to take my daughter to my mother's house, so I could take care of the most urgent matters I had on my hands at that moment.

"Dad…" My daughter glared at me and placed her hands on her hips. "Are you getting rid of me?"

I frowned. "No, you're going to grandma's so I can move our stuff to a safer place."

"And why can't I…" Ella stopped talking as something appeared to distract her.

I turned around to see what she was looking at, and saw HUNK walk by. HUNK saluted me, shot my daughter a questioning look and just disappeared behind a door.

"Who… is… that?" I heard Ella ask. "Wow, that is so… wow! Is he single?"

I turned back to my daughter and scowled. "No, he is not. He has a girlfriend, and he likes her quite a bit. Also, he's too old for you, he is twice your age, so don't you even think about it, young lady."

I heard Jack snicker in the background and remembered why I had taken my daughter to the office.

"So…" I sighed, I suddenly felt very tired. "Listen El, you're going to stay at grandma's until I find a different place to stay, and then we'll see what happens next, okay?"

"You could just stop this nonsense and become a normal dad, you know?"

"It's too late for that now."

"It's not!" Ella shot me another glare. "I don't like you much these days. I don't like knowing that sooner or later, you'll be dead, and you'll be the one to blame for it, too."

I cringed. "I know, hon. We'll talk this over later, okay? First we need to get you to safety." I nodded at Jack, who already had his car keys in his hand. "Jack, you know where my mother lives, right? Bring her there and then come back here, I'll be needing your help."

"Yes sir."

I ruffled Ella's hair, at which she instantly tried to dodge out of fear of getting a bad hair day. "Be nice, kid, I'll call you tonight."

Ella turned around and shrugged. "Whatever, just don't get killed." And with those words, she stalked off, Jack closely following behind her.

"Hnnn." I scratched the back of my head and suppressed a yawn. "What a bad day."

* * *

Barry!  
... Ya gotta love Barry.

Well, I hope it wasn't bad. If you liked it, reviews are appreciated. As are ideas or random comments. Flamers will be sat on by Barry.

Until next time!  
FUNK


	5. Boobies

It's a miracle, I am updating a story that has not been updated in well over a year. It took me forever, but yesterday afternoon I felt the need to write this, and that's exactly what I did. I think I'm growing up or something. Oh dear.

Thanks a whole, whole, wholelot to everyone who has been reviewing this story, even while I was absent. I honestly appreciate it that some people took the time to leave a comment. :)

**Enjoy, I hope!**

* * *

With all the things that were going on in my life, you would expect I didn't have a lot of time to think things over, and just acted instead.  
While that is mostly true, I can't say I ever stop thinking about private matters, no matter how badly other things need my attention. I suppose that's just a curse you'll have to deal with once you have children, and I'm not too bad at dealing with it, if I may say so myself.

However, sitting here at Tricell, waiting for my appointment to show up, I can't keep myself from thinking about when life was easier, even though back then, I can't say it really was that easy at all.

I left my daughter with my mother, and I have a bad feeling I might very well end up regretting it, because my mother isn't the easiest person you'll ever come across. As a matter of fact, she can be quite a pain in the ass. I'm glad she can't read my thoughts though, because if she knew if I still used the word 'ass' every once in a while, she would most certainly make attempts to smack me across the head with her walking stick, and very likely succeed too.

This suggests that my mother was quite abusive while I was growing up, but I can't really blame her. I wasn't that easy to deal with, after all.

I'm still not, come to think of it. But at least I stopped experimenting on mice in her kitchen.

On the other hand, my daughter isn't that easy to deal with either, and I think she does like her grandmother at times. They both appear to enjoy making me feel homicidal whenever they're together. It's been like that ever since Ella was still a child, and we would visit my mother for tea and cookies. I actually think my mother was behind the 'I'm marrying a girl' phase Ella went through when she was ten. That's one phase I'll remember for the rest of my life, all because of one word.

* * *

"I'm gonna marry a girl." Ella stared at me when she said that and tried to read my reaction. "Because girls are nice."

"Going to," I corrected her. "And okay." I didn't really care, she was ten years old and, so I thought, marrying a girl would never lead to a teen pregnancy.

"You know why girls are nice, daddy?"

"I can think of a number of reasons…" I sipped my coffee and hoped she wouldn't make me list those reasons, because the only girl I actually liked was my daughter. Other children just tended to annoy me with their dirty hands and gigantic eyes.

"Really? I think I like girls because they have boobies."

I stopped sipping my coffee and put the cup down on the table. Boobies. Of course. "Excuse me, young lady?"

"Boobies are nice."

I agreed with her on that, but I couldn't actually tell her. "Why on earth would you… I mean… How could you possibly even think about boobies yet?" I shook my head and frowned. "I don't want you to use that word, young lady, it's a bad word."

"How is it a bad word?" Big, blue eyes stared directly at me. "Grandma says it's a good word. Better than titties, anyway."

Grandma? "… What?"

"Titties."

"If you use that word one more time, you will be rinsing your mouth with soap." I massaged my temples and already felt a headache coming up. "Also, I do not want you to think about 'boobies' for at least eight more years, and you will refrain from using that word around other people."

"Why don't I have boobies?"

That was the first moment in my life where I wished I had a woman to help me raise her. These are questions not meant to be asked to fathers, not even when said fathers were scientists and understood the human anatomy perfectly.

"I eh… You're too young to have them already, and they are not called 'boobies', they are called 'breasts.'"

"I like boobies better."

"Yet you will not use that word anymore. Or titties, or breasts. Simply because you are ten years old, and you should not be thinking about those things yet."

"When will I get them?"

"When the time is right," I replied, and silently prayed that wouldn't be for at least another ten years. I stood up quickly and wanted to walk away, but before I could even take one step towards the door, Ella was in front of me, blocking my way.

"You know, I'm still marrying a girl, daddy," she stated matter-of-factly. "whether there are boobies involved or not."

"I eh…" I shook my head again and closed my eyes, hoping that when I opened them again, my daughter had gone back to her bedroom to play with her dolls again, just like every little girl should do. For a brief moment I felt the need to take away all of her Barbie dolls, because they have boobies too, and it just seemed like a logical decision to keep my daughter away from such matters until this phase passed. "I don't care who you marry, as long as you get married when you are older than twenty. Also, if you use the word 'boobies' again, you will be grounded."

-Oddly, at that age, threatening her with the word 'grounded' still worked quite well. I wish I could still say that, but these days she has a reply to everything I say, and sometimes the replies actually make sense too. -

Ella nodded and appeared to think for a moment. "So, can I use the word 'rack' then?"

I felt a surge of anger when I realized someone had taught her those words, and I wondered if it was possible to find out who had been that bad guy or girl, so I could kill them and dispose of their bodies tonight. Someone had to die for exposing my little girl to such vile words. "No, you cannot."

"How about headlights?"

"No."

"Hooters?"

I clenched my fists and inhaled slowly. "You will not refer to breasts with any word you can think of. You will not hang out with anyone who does refer to breasts in general, and if you do not drop this subject this instant, you will suffer the consequences." I relaxed my hands again and planned on making a quick trip to the gun store first thing tomorrow morning. "Now who taught you these words?"

"Grandma."

"Grandma?"

Ella nodded solemnly.

"Grandma taught you those words?"

"Yeah… She was watching the telly and just randomly yelling things at the girls in that show. I think grandma wants to marry a girl, too… She did seem to enjoy the girls on the screen." My daughter giggled, despite the fact I was glaring at her.

My mother. My own damn mother. I can't kill my own mother, simply because she will find a way to come back from the dead and kill me back twice as hard. That's just the type of person she is, determined. Determined to the bone and practically unstoppable after someone does not treat her right.  
People tend to think I take after my alcoholic, crazy father, but it was really my mother who had the biggest influence on me when I was still a child. I always had a bad feeling whenever she'd be knitting scarfs during summer, and as I got older, that feeling never went away, but grew stronger instead.

I pointed at the door. "You are going upstairs and play with your dolls right now, while daddy makes a quick phone call." Then I remembered the Barbie dolls and their anatomy. "No wait, you are going to play with your… eh… toy soldiers while daddy makes a quick phone call."

Ella frowned, but decided not to question me and left me alone to go play with her toy soldiers. Or so I hoped, I do not recall ever checking up on that.

I just took a deep breath, picked up my phone and dialed my mother's number. So perhaps nobody's head was going to be rolling that night, but this was one thing I would not just ignore, whether it came from my own damn mother or not. I was doing a fine job raising my only child, and there was no way in hell I'd let anyone interfere with that particular accomplishment.

* * *

Someone interrupted my slightly unpleasant memory by standing right in front of me and calling my name. "Mr. Wesker, sir? Miss Gionne is ready to see you now."

I frowned at the man - or perhaps he was still a boy, judging by his looks - and gave a slight nod. "Thank you."

I left the uncomfortable chair and headed towards Excella's office. It wasn't really a place I enjoyed visiting, but with all the commotion in my life right now, I did not have that much of a choice. Things had to be taken care of, and Tricell would probably be able to help, whether they were aware of it or not.

* * *

Boobies. :3  
*coughs* I'm sorry, I worked quite hard on this chapter, but the word boobies was haunting me all day, so it ended up in here too.  
**I sincerely hope you liked it!**

FUNK.


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